It’s not a safe world anymore. Then again, it never really was safe. When you put yourself out there and line up for anything – sneakers, video games, movie premieres, iPhones, etc. – overnight, there is always going to be a risk of something going terribly wrong, but in this day and age when news is breaking every second, it is way more sensationalized than it has ever been. Gone are the days of a Sports Illustrated cover story or a Bill O’Reilly smear campaign that’s days and weeks after the fact; stuff happens so fast that we sadly can’t keep up with the all the dumb news that surrounds sneaker releases. So we all need to smarten up, not just to defend this culture that we love but to literally save ourselves.
Now everything we are listing here is common sense – hence the title – and 99.9% of the sneakerheads who line up hoping to grab a pair that they want abide by these rules, but sometimes we all need friendly reminders because we get lost in the rapture of Yeezys, Foamposites, and Jordans. So here are 10 Common Sense Things You Need To Know When Camping Out For Kicks. Because duh….
1Don’t Cut In Front Of People
Because you’re a dumbass for cutting in front of people who might have been waiting for hours, even days for these kicks. And because there might be an even bigger dumbass who will get so mad that they leave the line and come back with a gun to shoot you in the foot (allegedly).
2If You Line Up, Own It
Hiring homeless people to do your dirty work is not cool and it is especially not cool if you don’t pay them, not to mention you’re just going to resell the goods you had them line up for. If you want those kicks so badly, be a true sneakerhead (whatever the hell that means anymore) and brave the elements for them. Unless you have to make a bathroom run and at which point that’s perfectly acceptable because…
3Take A Shower Before Lining Up
Yeah, I don’t care if you’re a #ChicksOnFire or a #CatsInKicks, people start to smell real gnarly once they’ve been in a line long enough. It is especially bad during the hot summer months things like humidity and sweat come into play. Just do us all a solid and try to combat the elements as much as possible before lining up.
4Talk To Your Neighbors
Hey, nothing says community better than a sneaker line so why not actually take advantage of that community? Everybody is in the line for the same reasons so that’s an easy conversation starter. Who knows? Today’s friend in line is tomorrow’s connect so you don’t have to line up for a hot release.
5Don’t Be An A*****e To People
Again, so you don’t get shot in the foot like a dumbass by an even bigger dumbass with a gun.
6Resist Temptation To Fight Resellers
Resellers are lurking among the sneakerheads and there’s nothing you can do about it. Few things are more frustrating than seeing some opportunistic reseller immediately hold their pair up for a ransom soon after purchase, but do not be that dumbass with a gun that likes to shoot people in the foot. It isn’t worth it and honestly, with at most a $20 profit after taxes and fees on whatever site they sell it on, it really isn’t worth it to the reseller either.
7Don’t Tag Your Location
A sneakerhead should never announce that they are going to be spending the next few days lining up for a release. Why? Because they might have jealous friends (or in the case of “influencers,” fans) who might see this as a way to break into your place because they know you’re preoccupied. Also, on a related note, never geotag your house if you can avoid it.
8You Are Not A #Boss Yet…
If you are lining up for a pair of kicks, that means you might need to reevaluate things and find out how you can get connected enough to not have to line up for anything you might want in the future. The beauty of sneaker culture is that while there are thousands of jerkoffs out there who aren’t willing to help (they usually reside on Twitter and love to show off their samples that no one gives a crap about), there are thousands more who understand the concept of paying it forward.
9Stay Home, Go Online
Well, this is more of a preference, but I’d rather stay healthy, get a good night’s sleep, set my alarm to 4:55 a.m. (PST) and take my chances with bots and millions of other people trying to cop from Nike.com or whatever site instead of possibly getting sick or worse by camping out. Five minutes of effort and if I fail, no big deal because…
10You Don’t Need This Release Because There’s Always Something Next Week
Sneaker culture today thrives on immediacy. A sneaker that’s a month old might as well be a few years old because every week is another chance to show off “new heat” and that rush to be first is every bit as frustrating and annoying as the people who like to comment “first” on social media. If we all took the time to just enjoy what we already have and not get caught up in the rush, then this culture would be better for it. So if you’re going to line up for that pair of Yeezy Foamposites, you should really think about it whether or not it’s going to be an integral part of your rotation or just something you’re buying to get likes on Instagram.